the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Randomize
