he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
