so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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