WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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