First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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