how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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