Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
