sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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