I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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