How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
