i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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