Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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