oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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