im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
