I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
