you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
