the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
