"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
being pregnant is like rehab
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
