ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
