I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
