He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
zippers are such a cool invention
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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