I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
