just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
