Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
