drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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