R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
