These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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