Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
