eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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