I CAN MOONWALK!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
