you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
