they need to just BURY HIM!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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