I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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