I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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