it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
