Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
