I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
