She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
