I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
