he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
