I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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