can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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