Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
