theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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