Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
