you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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