well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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