Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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