you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
