i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If its not for food we ain't going out.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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