I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
