Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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