We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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