Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
